Subject: Jen wellness update #55 (31Jan01) In Limbo
I guess this update is about me - but Jen figures immensely.
Jen is in limbo: she's not quite laid to rest, yet. The family is also in a kind of limbo - SF memorial has happened - we await the NY service.
Sometime soon Jen's corporeal presence will be gone. It may comfort you to know that until that time she'll be waiting quietly, dressed in her faded blue overalls and flower-power Birkenstocks.
It's impossible at the moment to do anything without it being reminiscent of Jen: family Horton & Billy went to Muir woods yesterday. Last time, of course, was with family Perlman & Jen.
These ghosts must be laid to rest, and there's no other way to do that than to confront them. They will turn into sweet memories rather than painful triggers as time passes. And there's a strong positive side to memories like these - they help me remember something other than Jen compromised.
I'm tired. There's lots of 'admin' to do, but it seems even less attractive than usual. Jane, Karen, Bill & I are mainly hanging out, chatting, processing. Jane's been organizing the kitchen - turns out Jen & Karl didn't meet her high standards.
I've also been reading the many, many letters of love and support hitting my inbox from around the world. Thank you all for these, and thanks to Billy for encouraging you to write.
There have, naturally, been lighter moments connected with the British abroad:
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